i want chocolate. i want freedom and i want bony cages. i want agency and independence and i want tally marks. i want drinks and despair and distress and daylight. i want to close my door and i want smoothies how i like them. i want pain. i want to know where the scissors are. i want to love the glass girl and i also want her smaller. i want to scream and i want to smile. i want to run away. i want to hide under the covers. i want rain. i want to close my door. i want wrinkles and i want a tragedy. i want a big house and i want an urn. i want the summer to blow in with the winter wind. i want to close my door. i want iced chai lattes at 3 in the morning walking down the highway and i want to see the world. i want to fall asleep. i want to pass with flying colours and i want to escape along the railroad. i want to see an elephant. i just want to close my door. i want to throw stones in glass houses and let the shards rip my skin. i want to get sunkissed with experience and i want to swim in crystal waters. i want to be ill. i want to recover. i want to suffer. i want to heal. i want to move backwards and i want to be a step ahead. i want to be sick. i want to get better. And i want to close my door. Please, i just want to close my door.